


Heroes of the Shire

by apple_pi



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hobbits, Post-Quest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-28
Updated: 2009-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-02 09:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apple_pi/pseuds/apple_pi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merry and Pippin, ladies and gentlemen, heroes of song and story. *eyeroll*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heroes of the Shire

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Dialogue fic. Silly.
> 
> Written for Marigold's Tale Challenge 19. My challenge was to incorporate the following elements into the story: Merry and Pippin argue; a Morgul blade; Sarn Ford; Pippin; an injured or ill Pippin. I had a lark.

"Don't touch it!"

"Be still, Pip."

"No, getawaygetawayget_away_ -"

"OUCH! Blast it all, Pippin, did you have to _kick_ me? I need to look at it."

"It's fine. It doesn't even hurt."

"Oh, really? Well then, come along."

"No."

"Then let me look at it."

"No!"

"Then we should be on our way."

"...In a minute. I just want to have a drink."

"Oh you do, do you?"

"Yes. And this is a nice place to stop."

"This is a wretched place to stop - we're bang in the middle of the woods and there are midges eating us alive and you're a coward of the first order, Peregrin Took."

"It's lovely here, Merry, it's shady and cool and -" _slap_ "- the midges aren't really that bad -" _slap_ "- and I'm thirsty, besides."

_Slap_. "You're infuriating, is what you are. Just let me look, will you?"

...

"You won't touch it?"

"No, you great sissy. My stars, if the others could hear you now, you'd never lead a hunting party again."

"No sorrow there, then. Bolto Bunce nearly took my head off last week with a slingshot when we were - AAAUGH! YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T TOUCH IT!"

"This?!? _This_ is what had you sitting wailing in the middle of the road?!"

"You bloody lying - lying - _liar!_"

"This is what stopped you in your tracks? I thought you'd stepped on a bit of the Morgul Blade, you pathetic Took. This is a _splinter_. A teensy weensy little itty-bitty splinter, at that."

"It isn't! It's huge! And it was in a really sensitive bit of my foot, and really deep until you RIPPED IT OUT YOU BIG FAT LIAR!"

"Calm down, Pippin, calm down."

"Hey, don't throw my splinter away!"

...

"You want to keep it?"

"It’s mine. It nearly pierced me to the vitals and yes, I want to keep it."

"...Fine. Now let me clean your foot."

"I'm not letting you touch my foot ever again, Meriadoc the Magnificent LIAR."

"Pippin. We've miles to go before we reach Sarn Ford and if we don't clean and bandage it it'll get dirt in it and believe you me, you'd rather have me touch it now than Healer Ivy touch it later when it's got all puffy and red and disgusting."

...

"I hate it when you're right."

"I'd think you'd get used to it. Now be still. NO KICKING."

"This is all your fault anyway."

"Oh, hush. And how?"

"'Let's walk to the South Farthing, Pip! It'll be like old times! We'll have a lovely ramble and get there just in time for the harvest fest, and miss all the real work. C'mon, Pip, it'll be fun!'"

"I don't sound like that."

"Ouch! Be gentle, you great lummox! And you do, too, sound like that. You sound exactly like that."

"That sounded like Hortensia Twofoot. After drinking too much ale."

"I rest my case."

"I should leave you here for the midges."

...

"I'm sorry."

"Well. Me, too. And there, that ought to keep your foot clean."

"Aw, Mer."

"What?"

"You used your best handkerchief."

"You're my best cousin."

"Oh, shut it."

"C'mon, Hortensia. Let's get moving."

"Oi, you're the one sounds like Hortensia, not me. Ow. Ow. Alright. Ow."

"Are you going to say 'ow' with every single step for the next four miles?"

"Would that - ow - annoy you?"

"Yes."

"Ow. Well in that case. Ow."

"Pippin."

"Ow."

 

 

~ _end_ ~ 


End file.
